My name is Blanca.

Max promise me he will not change what I write. This is my column, goddamit, and I don't need no witty remarks. He can correct my spelling and punctuate my sentences and that's it. He may not say mean things to me like "Blanca, read a phone book" or "Get a brain cell, Blanca" cause I hear shit like that from him all the time. See, we have an agreement. You are witness. If Max break this agreement, then he must deal with God or whatever conscience he got left. My hands is clean.

So maybe you are wondering what he get out of this deal. Well lemme tell you quick it ain't sex. I am a good Catholic girl, almost a virgin, and besides, Max don't like the girls. Max like the men. He like the men a lot. And I, Blanca Delgado, am all woman. I suspect Blanca is basically homophobic, although she claims otherwise.

Here is some personal information I'm sure you will find interesting: I am 23 years old and slim-hipped. Yeah, right. I am intelligent. She is that. I have brown eyes, dark hair, and big breasts. No comment. I have a small tattoo in a very private place. Which can be seen from the Space Shuttle. I have a large and loving family who write me many letters. From jail, asking for money. I hope one day to become a citizen of these United States. Not if I can help it.

Six months ago, when I start working here, I admit I am engaging Max in some mild flirtation. If loading the dishwasher in her panties can be considered 'mild.' At first I think he already has a girlfriend. But this proves to be false, as false as his friends. Don't get me started on his friends. They come here on weekends and they sit on the deck and listen to his music and drink his liquor. Or they lay on the beach like whales and get a tanline. And whenever Max ain't around, they say terrible things behind his back. Blanca marks her territory like a feral cat. But he don't listen to me when I warn him of their two-facedness. Come to think of it, he don't listen to me much, period.

Oh shit. Guess who just got back from jogging that damn dog. And I 'spect they will be dragging sand all over my clean floors. Like I don't have enough to do. Sorry but I must go now and put a fast roast in the oven. Please visit my webpage again and I will reveal many intimate secrets about Max and his evil friends. Love, Blanca. This might not be as much fun as I thought.


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