My name is Blanca. Yo no cuestiono!

It's Monday morning and I'm beat. I just get to work about fifteen minutes ago and Max say to me, he say "Blanca, you look like shit. Pour youself a cuppa coffee." So I do. Then I turn to him and I say, "You ain't looking so hot your own damn self." And he hands me a list for the grocery store before I can even light my cigarette. Max don't like me smoking in the house because he thinks I'm gonna catch the place on fire. But that only happened once and anyway it was the dog's fault.
¿Cómo está?

So after I get myself situated on the couch with my pen and spiraling notebook he reminds me that it's wash day like suddenly I don't remember I gotta drag his dirty laundry down the stairs to that snake-infested utility room. Then he tells me if I plan to write my column today I better forget about Oprah Winfrey and Roseanne's show. I am Caligula. All of my talk shows is off-limits today, he says. Also my home shopping programs and psychic hotline friends. Infomercials fill Blanca's head with strange and costly notions. I am unhappy and confused. I don't know what he wants me to watch on TV. I don't know what he expects poor Blanca to do. 'Clean the house' springs to mind.

The reason I'm so tired is because last night I was up all hours with my boyfriend. My boyfriend's name is Juan. Juan is very handsome. He is a legal Texas resident with a good job and a big Harley motorcycle. He is all man, just like I am all woman. Oh good grief. I'm hoping that Juan will marry me so that I can get my citizenship papers upgraded. Blanca insists she has a green card, but I've yet to see it.

My boyfriend Juan took me to his trailer last night and we watched this movie called Lost World. He rented it at Blocksbuster. Boy talk about scary. There were these people on an island and some dinosaurs were running around biting everybody on the ass and the bad guy got chewed up something awful. Listen, I was so scared that halfway through the movie I ended up in Juan's lap. What a surprise. After that we went to Burger King and grabbed some fast food and then we stopped by his cousin Bruno's apartment where I ate his Whopper and mine too.

I hope you are enjoying this column. Max has not shown me how it looks yet because he's been editing it. But he promise next week I will get to see everything and all the hard work he's done and then, he says, then I will know exactly what he thinks of Blanca.

Maybe I can stall.