STAND BY

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STAND BY




















LOT TWELVE


STUDIO NINE
















COMING THIS FALL ON THE

FAMILY VALUES CHANNEL

She's wild! She's kooky!

She's Phallis!



PHAMOUS PHALLISISMS:

"Gimme Capote."

"I trust my censor sense."

"Books with pictures burn brightest!"

"It's like hellfire around here."

"Read 'em? You gotta be kidding me."

"Who brought the marshmellows?"

"Someone stop me! I'm smmmOOO-kin'!"

"Penthouse goes on top!"

"Hot enough for you?"

"Smell that smut!"

"Throw those fags on the fire!"




Scene between PHALLIS and her housekeeper, DONELLE.


PHALLIS: Donelle, I can't find my library card.
DONELLE: Did you look in the ash tray?
(canned laughter)
PHALLIS: I'm serious, Donelle. I need something to read that will put me to sleep.
DONELLE: Miz'Schafley, there's always da' Bible.
PHALLIS: Don't blaspheme.
DONELLE: It works for your husband.
(mild canned laughter)
PHALLIS: You keep talking like that and you'll get a ticket straight to Hell!
DONELLE: Not on these wages.
(loud canned laughter)
PHALLIS: How rude. Why, I have half a mind -
DONELLE: You said it.
PHALLIS: How would you like the back of my hand?
DONELLE: How would you like this mop up your ass?
PHALLIS: Well, I never!
DONELLE: That's not what the mailman says.








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