I'll pick the flicks.
I'll pick the flicks. |
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SORTA RECENT RELEASES
LIVING OUT LOUD
- Chick flick about people you probably wouldn't want to have over for dinner. Holly Hunter whines a lot, Danny Devito does his CareBear bit, Queen Latifah does whatever it is Queen Latifah does.
THE SEIGE
- Bruce Willis, Denzel Washington and Annette Bening take on Arab terrorists holed up in the Big Apple. Martial law is invoked, and Willis, as the swaggering military commander in charge, rides roughshod over NYCitizens' civil rights. Worked for me.
THE WATERBOY
- Adam Sandler is starting to get on my nerves. But if you can make it past The Voice, you might be rewarded with a yuk or two. Notice I say 'might.'
VELVET GOLDMINE
- Oh good, another flick about the seventies' pop culture. At least Director Todd Haynes makes this one visually interesting, if a little thick on the glitter.
JOHN CARPENTER'S VAMPIRES
- He ought to drive a stake through his own heart for making this movie.
PLEASANTVILLE
- Two troubled teens get sucked into the television set (so what else is new) and inhabit a 50's sitcom. Jeff Daniels once again manages to be on-screen and invisible at the same time. Interesting concept almost falls apart near the end.
BRIDE OF CHUCKY
- Reminds me of my ex-wife except her teeth were sharper.
ORGAZMO
- You'll find more satire on MSNBC and more raw sex in The Waltons. Trey Parker of TV's South Park directs this mess and, obviously considering himself a porn hunk, takes the leading role.
APT PUPIL
- Bryan Singer follows up his Usual Suspects with a limp rendering of Stephen King's Nazi novel. Barf.
HOLY MAN -
Eddie Murphey does Howard Beale Meets Barney the Dinosaur without the insight or color of either.
Jeff Goldblum, as a shopping channel exec, gets spiritual guidance from the bedspread-clad Murphy. Pray for these actors.
PRACTICAL MAGIC -
Babes on brooms Nicole Kidman and Sandra Bullock make potions and worry about love. You've seen it before.
BELOVED -
Talk show host Winfrey produced and stars in this hard-on-the-ass adaptation of Toni Morrison's novel. She's dymanite, the movie needs work.
NIGHT AT THE ROXBURY
- Ferrell and Kattan try to stretch their Saturday Night
Live disco bit for two hours. It will feel like you've been dancing in one that long.
WHAT DREAMS MAY COME - New Zealander Vincent Ward spends his money on high-tech art history visuals, but the script (by Ron Bass) is strictly bowls of fruit at the mall. Robin Williams stinks to, ahem, high heaven.
ANTZ - I don't step on 'em anymore. Computer animation from DreamWorks grows on you.
Sharon Stone as the chick ant now has six legs to cross. My thumb's sticking up.
PECKER - Serial Mom aside, John Waters hasn't had a decent movie since Divine died. When Baltimore's bad boy can't make white trash look interesting, it's time to sweep up the dog poop and call it a day.
URBAN LEGENDS - Take a hot date to see this one. If she thinks it's scary, leave her there.
Armageddon - My dog knows more basic science than the knuckle-draggers who made this film.
The Avengers - Screenwriter Don MacPherson administers anesthesia; Jeremiah Chechik wields the director's knife; the patients, Fiennes and Thurman, die.
BASEketball -
More of David Zucker's Airplane shtick, this time skewering the world of professional sports.
The Big Lebowski -
Joel and Ethan Coen serve a plate of undercooked
capers
drenched in a heavy bowling sauce.
Blade - Wesley Snipes is a too slick for his own good (and ours) in this citified vampire story.
Blues Brothers 2000
- John Belushi and a decent script would have helped.
Buffalo 66
- Quirky and downbeat, if anyone still likes that sort of thing.
Christina Ricci acts out.
Bulworth
- Beatty writes, directs, produces, stars and sings rap music. He's a liberal politician, see. Big surprise.
City of Angels -
Supernatural chick-flick with Meg Ryan.
Cousin Bette
- Period chick-flick with Jessica Lange.
Clay Pigeons - Janeane Garofalo almost single-handedly rescues this Fargo-inspired thriller, directed by newcomer David Dobkin. Almost.
Dark City
- Creepy story in a nightmarish setting, remindful of Ridley Scott's early work.
Dangerous Beauty
- Barb Wire meets Shakespeare.
Deep Impact
- Realistic disaster film is burdened, I mean enhanced by touchy-feely, I mean honest characters.
Disturbing Behavior
- Stepford teens who can't act send the wrong message.
Dr. Dolittle
- Take two aspirin and don't see this movie.
Ever After
- Best chick-flick of the year. Save it for when you're in the dog house.
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
- Only if you enjoy watching boring people get stoned.
54 - If disco had been this boring I would never have learned to dance.
Firestorm
- Got a match?
The Gingerbread Man
- Got two matches?
Godzilla
- Got a lighter?
The Governess
- Interesting if occasionaly stilted Minnie Driver bodice ripper.
Great Expectations
- Don't have them and you won't be disappointed.
Halloween: H20
- A respectable farewell to the series, if indeed it is.
Hard Rain
- Wow! Waterproof ammunition!
He Got Game
- This isn't Spike Lee's best work but then what is?
High Art
- New York's creative underbelly best viewed with bottle of Prozac handy.
Hope Floats
- So does something else I could mention.
The Horse Whisperer
- Still running in the fifth, Redford Leading Man should be put down or out to pasture.
How Stella Got Her Groove Back
- She didn't get it by viewing this film.
Knock-Off - Jean-Claude Van Damme is a Hong Kong fashion designer who joins forces with the C.I.A. to kick Russian mafia butt. Gimme a break.
Krippendorf's Tribe
- Possibly the worst movie Disney ever made.
Lethal Weapon 4
- If ya' like Mel and Danny, here they are.
Lolita - Don't expect titillation, folks. Adrain Lyne's character study clings to Nabokov's storyline like a drunk to a bottle. Jeremy Irons' mopey performance is supposed to pass for angst.
Lost in Space
- 'Oh the pain, the pain.'
Les Misérables
- Servicable adaptation of Hugo.
The Man in the Iron Mask - Depardieu's probiscus sees more action than the principles in this sobering romp through DiCaprioland.
The Mask of Zorro
- En Garde.
Mercury Rising
- Armageddon tired of Bruce Willis.
Mulan
- Didn't see it.
The Negotiator
- Fair to middling guy flick about - what else? - police corruption. Samuel Jackson and Kevin Spacey in the running for Most Intense Cheeks.
The Newton Boys
- Depression Era gangsters live to be old coots, as portrayed by Hollywood pretty boys Matthew McConaughey and Ethan Hawke.
The Object of My Affection
- Playwright Wendy Wasserstein scripted this watchable and occasionally funny chick-flick starring Jennifer Anniston.
Odd Couple II
- You'll find more laughs in a graveyard.
The Opposite of Sex
- Another likable chick-flick with pouty-faced Christina Ricci.
Out of Sight
- George Clooney and Jennifer Lopez catch fire in this sassy offering by Steven Soderbergh.
The Parent Trap
- Chicks love this film. I get lucky each time I take one.
A Perfect Murder
- Agreeable remake of Dial M For Murder.
Phantoms
- Adaptation of Koontz's novel starts well, then rides up your crack.
Pi
- Fans of Eraserhead may enjoy this odd film about a mathematician looking for patterns in random numbers.
A Price Above Rubies
- Harsh look at Hasidism by writer/director Boaz Yakin.
Primary Colors - Mike Nichols directs Elaine May's rendering of Joe Klein's Anonymous. Couldn't I chew glass instead?
The Replacement Killers
- Music video director Antoine Fuqua wastes Mira Sorvino in a routine action movie.
Ronin - Hollywood oldsters Robert De Niro and director John Frankenheimer collaborate on a better-than-average suspense flick. Still, there's a dearth of original material here. Alternate title: The Magnificent Dirty Seven Dozen.
Rounders - New York Poker dens crackle and pop. Hold this hand.
Rush Hour
- Chan Man's looking a bit tired this trip to the well; and director Brett Ratner tones down the action sequences. But Chris Tucker's Eddie Murphy take is good for a laugh.
Saving Private Ryan
- Probably the best film about WWII ever made, one of Spielberg's finest.
Simon Birch - In his quest for tears, director Mark Steven Johnson does everything but show us scenes of Bambi's mother dying.
Six Days, Seven Nights
- Agreeable action yarn has Harrison Ford and Anne Heche chased by pirates. (Oh yeah, I could tell.)
The Slums of Beverly Hills
- Better-than-average coming-of-age white-trash chick-flick by first-timer Tamara Jenkins.
Smoke Signals
- Chris Eyre's interesting if uneven look at Native American culture has been described as heartfelt.
Snake Eyes
- That's craps.
There's Something About Mary
- Funny film by those 'wascally Farrelly Brothers, creators of the dread Dumb and Dumber.
The Truman Show
- First Jim Carrey movie that didn't make me throw up.
U.S. Marshals
- Tommy Lee Jones gleefully resurrects his character from The Fugitive in a dull rehashing of the same story.
The Wedding Singer
- Thanks, I'll stay single.
The X-Files
- Like the TV show but bigger and louder. |
Copyright © 1998 by
Gibbous Moon Productions