Dear Anna, I have to ask if you are available for dating? Granted, I'm just a liberal, and thus a pale shadow of your socialist purity; but the proletarian purity found in those sinuous thighs might very well lead me farther down the path of socialism.   :} Signed, David W.

Dear David, It's refreshing to find an American male who takes me seriously. I hope that the smiley face at the end of your email indicates joy at discovering a kindred spirit and not a contradiction of what I perceive to be salacious intent. I take all my proposals seriously, David; and am warmed by those who appreciate The Total Anna  - Anna of Dark Passions and Rough Love. Anna of Gray Moods and Green Gables.

Sinuous thighs aside, I imagine there are other areas of my flesh which, were things to develop, might lead you down paths far stranger than that of socialism. And I suspect you might show me a turn or two in the road as well.

Even so, there are issues. Before we date I will have to inspect your voting, academic and (if applicable) police records - unless of course I find you physically appealing, in which case I may let the matter drop.

Your friends, work associates and family members will have to be contacted. I've devised numerous questionnaires for them to fill out and return to me via disgruntled U.S. Postal employees. Their responses to my probing inquiries will shed light on whatever past indescretions you've been hiding.

So there can be no mistaking your desire for serious growth, I will also require you to write an extensive fifteen page treatise on The Death of the American Bourgeoisie. I myself have, in spare moments, composed such a document. And it is, if I say so myself, without flaw. I plan to post both of them on these pages, side by side, under the heading LOVERS IN REVOLT! (If Max balks at the idea, as I'm sure he will, I shall strike him until he falls senseless.) Only after you have finished with this assignment, David; can we come together over red wine and long cigars.

Finally, as a modern multi-sexual woman in touch with her yang, or masculine side; I may ask that you discard any shred of dignity you have left to investigate your yin. This will entail wearing, upon occasion, my underwear and feminine hygiene products in public places. At football games, perhaps; or on your way to the office. Company picnics spring to mind.

If you are willing to comply with the above conditions, I will gladly date you.

Sincerely,  Anna