CONFIDENTIAL

TRANSCRIPT OF TAPED INTERVIEW * EYES ONLY
NOT FOR BROADCAST OR PUBLIC CONSUMPTION



WILLIAM MORRIS AGENT BEN SHEARER
- as told to Charles Grodin for CNBC -


"It was seven o'clock Sunday morning and some asshole was banging on my front door. I was in bed with my wife - asleep - and it took me awhile to wake up. Tori Spelling had thrown a party the night before, see, and I went to it and I must have stayed late. I'm not young as I used to be."

CHARLES GRODIN : Who among us hasn't said the same thing?

BEN SHEARER : Walking down the stairs I felt like I was gonna throw up. My head was spinning. I suppose I drank too much at Tori's.

CHARLES GRODIN : Who among us hasn't experienced the same thing?

(mild canned laughter)

BEN SHEARER: But hell, this is America! And I didn't go near the cocaine not to mention all that exotic stuff those 90-fucking-210 kids brought to the party. Anyway, you can imagine the kind of mood I was in when I finally got to the door and looked through the peephole.

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"Hello? Mr. Shearer? Are you in there? It's Paula. Paula Jones from Arkansas! Are you in there? Are you looking at me through the peephole? I realize it's early but this is very important. Your yard sure is pretty today! Are those crepe myrtles? I was on my way to church and thought I'd drop by. Calvary Baptist is holding a box lunch buffet for me this afternoon. For my legal expenses and everything. Is that your pussycat? Here kitty kitty! Mr. Shearer, I think your cat has the mange! I guess you heard Judge Wright threw out my case. Did you hear about that? Were you surprised? I sure was. My personal assistant and very best friend was so surprised she made arrangements for us to go to Hawaii next week. She said I could do without all the post-trial publicity. Did I mention we're leaving on Friday? But I can cancel our reservations, Mr. Shearer. I can cancel them if there's a book deal in the works. Or a contract with a major motion picture studio - not Disney. Everybody I talk to, even the minister at Mount Calvery, says my life must be worth something. So I've been thinking maybe Demi Moore should play me in the film version even though she is much older than I am and not nearly as attractive. Is that a good idea, Mr. Shearer? I'm filled with misgivings. I need your advice. Didn't Demi once pose nude for a magazine? Didn't she pose nude when she was eight months pregnant? I'm not entirely sure I should be portrayed by an actress who poses for nudie magazines. After all, Mr. Shearer, I have my image and my reputation to consider. These days that's all a girl's got, her rep and her image."

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DO NOT UNDER PENALTY OF LAW READ BEYOND THIS
POINT IF YOU ARE UNDER TWENTY-ONE YEARS OLD!

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