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Welcome to the USA! I'm afraid I didn't understand most of what you wrote
in
your introduction but I think it's just
swell that Russia has finally seen the light thanks to President Reagan's victory over the vile communists.
Anyway, Anna, here's my problem. My daughter-in-law is constantly suggesting that I lose some weight. 'Susan' says I should exercise more and go on a low-fat diet. She makes fun of me when I order dessert or sneak an extra piece of fried chicken or even nibble on a doughnut. She claims she is only concerned about my health but I know better. As if that weren't enough, last week I overheard Susan telling my son to buy a lock for their refrigerator! The thing is, Anna, I'm not fat at all. I suppose I put on a few pounds after Edgar passed away but that's only natural, isn't it? I'm enclosing a recent swimsuit photo so you can see how wrong Susan is about my weight. Please tell me how to stop her from saying all those terrible things about me.
Sincerely,
You obscene cow. How dare you waste my time with such nonsense. Do you think I care about your eating habits not to mention your disgusting physical appearance? This is precisely the sort of thing I'd planned to address in my treatise. You Americans are
pathetic. Your penchant for gluttony is unnatural and an insult to all of Mankind. Never write to me again.
Sincerely,
My husband is a kind man and a good provider but his insensitivity makes me want to scream. Yesterday was our twentieth wedding anniversary and we had a party. And there, in front of our guests, he gave me my gift. And you know what it was? It was a blender. A blender! I can't believe that after all this time the best Sam can come up with is a worthless kitchen appliance! What should I do?
Respectfully, Worthless? I know women in Russia who would sell their children's organs for a blender. Your priorities, it appears to me, are misplaced. You should immediately fall to your knees and thank this man for putting up with your greed and selfishness. Were I a party leader in your district, I would have you imprisoned, or possibly hanged outright.
Sincerely,
I can't get my hair to do a thing. I shampoo it three times a week. I put it up in curlers every night. I even go to the beauty parlor on Friday afternoons. Nothing helps. My boyfriend says it still looks terrible! Anna, I'm at my wits ends. Please tell me how to improve my appearance. Sincerely,
Here's a suggestion. Why don't you put a loaded gun in your mouth and squeeze the trigger? Think of the people who will benefit from that one simple act: your stylist, your boyfriend, me, everyone on the planet with whom you've had contact. Just do it, my dear. Do it for Anna.
Dear Anna,
Phoenix Tormented
Dear Phoenix,
Anna
Dear Anna,
Outraged in Portland
Dear Outraged,
Anna
Dear Anna,
Desperate in Hartford
Dear Desperate,
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