Once a month, unless I'm tripping on acid, I visit the plants, the medical centers, the laboratories. I confront the scientists, the physicians, and the CEO's. I've been beaten within an inch of my life, attacked by guard dogs, sprayed with mace, and thrown in jail. But it hasn't all been fun. There's serious work involved. Animal rights violations must be documented, databases broken into and compromised, mainframes destroyed when necessary. The squeaky wheel, that's me.

Here's what's going to happen. Each month, I will be taking you with me, virtually speaking. You will be a silent witness to whatever horrors I uncover. So make plans to be there. Here I mean. It'll be a blast.

Incidentally, anyone who still chows down at KFC should take a moment to think about this. The chicken is a beautiful animal. Its stature, its form, its grace and poise. I especially admire its unassuming personality. You realize that many of our maternal parenting terms come from the gentle hen. Similarly, we get words and phrases from the rooster to describe the male, or stud, condition. I may write more on this subject later as it intrigues me.