Dear Anna,

My husband and I live in a small town in Texas. Our two children are grown and have moved away from home. I lead a simple life. That is, I did until recently. Recently I have experienced what can best be described as a sexual unhinging. And I need some serious advice. Here's the deal. Last month a young married couple bought the house across the street. One morning after they were settled in, I went over with a plate of cookies and knocked on the front door. The woman who answered, I'll call her Ramona, was very sweet. She invited me inside and we went into living room and sat down on the sofa. She thanked me for the cookies. We exchanged recipes. But Anna, I was trembling. I found myself sexually attracted to this woman. I just couldn't keep from stuttering and giggling and dropping things - in short, acting like a schoolgirl with a crush! At one point her hand brushed against my leg and for the first time in my life I had an orgasm. As you can imagine, this was very upsetting for me. So I made my excuses and left. Now, three days later, I'm plagued by unfamiliar emotions, not the least of which is lust. Anna, I'm like a woman bewitched! I walk around in a dream state. At night I can't sleep for thinking of her. Still, I love my husband and would not want to jeopardize our relationship. What should I do? These powerful feelings just won't go away. Tell me, Anna, what should I do?

Signed,
Inflamed in the Panhandle

Dear Inflamed,

There is only one solution to your problem. You must go to your husband at once and demand a divorce. Tell him that you are lesbian and that your life together has been a sham. Let him know that you will no longer be a partner to his bourgeois schemes, and that as a modern communist woman you aspire to heights he will never know. Then strike him, twice, in the face, one time for each child you bore!  * Note to my readers: Here I must break with standard Bolshevik doctrine which, while professing equal treatment for women, embraces plebeian family values. Anna Alemanov, you should realize, takes her cues from the Master of Socialist Thought, or no one! *  After that, my dear, you must hurry next door and declare your love to the elusive Ramona. If her husband is at home, inform him that you will brook no interference in matters of the heart. Then, if things turn nasty, threaten to expose him as a peeping Tom, or worse! By following this advice, I suspect your problems will work themselves out.

Sincerely,  Anna