You guys are here for ya' Mama Goose,
I guess. Gals might want to avert their
eyes. Things could turn, ummm, nasty.
Some brothers I know could be comin'
'round. It's those bad Brothers Grimm.
Of course, they weren't grim once I got

through with 'em.

But that's another dirty story.

When ya' read these nuh-srey rhymes, I
want you to hear me in ya' head, I want
you to imagine the sound of my voice.
If you don't remember how I sound,
then you shouldn't be here so get out!

Get thee
to a nunnery.

Peter Peter pumpkin eater,
Had a wife and couldn't keep her,
She was two-timin' him.

Mary Mary quite contrary,
How big does your gardener grow?

Little Boy Blue, come blow.
And Jack, you be nimble.
But not too quick.
Both you boys,
Come up and see me sometime.

Old King Cole was a merry old soul,
And a merry old soul was he.
He called for his pipe, and he called for his bowl.
Then he called his marajuana connection. Mmmm.

Mary had a little lamb,
Its fleece was white as snow.
Everywhere that Mary went,
The lamb was sure to go.
It got on her nerves.
So she called the butcher,
Had lamb chops for supper.

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To get her poor dog a bone;
But when she got there
The cupboard was bare.
Except for a bottle of scotch.
So she and the dog got drunk.

Three men in a tub,
Sounds like good clean fun to me.

Little Tommy Titmouse,
Had a whorehouse.
Mean as could be,
And tight as a flea.
With a sawed-off Smith&Wesson,
The girls taught him a lesson.
They aimed for his crotch,
Took him down a notch.
Now everybody's guessin'.

Georgie Porgie, puddin' and pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
Loved 'em, left 'em high and dry.
He was a bum.

My little pussy,
Her coat is so warm,
And if you don't hurt her,
She'll do ya' no harm.
Not much, anyway.

I'm a little Dutch girl,
As pretty as I can be.
And all the boys in all the world
Go crazy over me.
Mmmm. That one don't need fixin'.

Mae Index

Max City